A message to my father…

As children we are conditioned an raised to believe that our parents are the strongest, most amazing people in the universe. That they are like superheroes and that nothing can hurt them. Or at least I was raised that way.

My dad was never really around for more than six months at a time before he was being sent on deployments when I was younger. I looked up to him and thought “This is my dad, nobody can hurt him. He wouldn’t let them.” and up until about two years ago, I still thought that way.

The first time that I remember seeing my dad cry was when I was about seven or so. My parents fought a lot and I never really thought they were happy. And one day my dad and I were watching tv or something in his room and all of a sudden I looked over and he was crying. I had never seen my dad cry before and I didn’t know what to do..

He asked me if he was a good dad and a good husband. I don’t remember what I told him. And perhaps that is for the better. I always knew that my parents weren’t really happy. So me being me, I probably told him, “No. You’re not.”

But that’s me and I was a jerk when I was a kid. But back to the point…

My dad was always the strong one. He yelled and screamed and threw things, but he never cried. But he did cry.. We just never saw it.

I love my dad, but I don’t tell him that. Mainly because I don’t tell anyone that I love them. I haven’t in a while. But when your father, the man you know to be the strong and unbreakable one, comes into your room at 4:30 in the morning because he had a nightmare and he’s crying, you tell him you love him. Its the right thing to do.

I know that my dad will hopefully never have the misfortune of reading this blog that I keep and occasionally post to. mainly because, he has his own problems to deal with and I wouldn’t ever want to add to that more than I already have. But if he ever does, I love you, Dad. And there’s nobody like you in the world. I know that you get hurt and you hide it, but you can show us these things.. Your family, we love you. Its just hard to show sometimes.

 

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